I now know that I'm orphaned 2 years ago, along with my mother's death.
If there's anyway to take back these words I would, but a scorned heart is not forgiving.
This is the day that I divorced my heart from love for my father.
I know that I'm blinded with anger and I shouldn't be making any hasty conclusion.
But please just let me...
The bloodpact is not eternal. I am not your son.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The Debt
"Hey dude... could you lend me like 500k, I'll pay you back next month"
"Sure, what do you need it for?"
"Something comes up... you know..."
"No, I sure don't know... you mean the football bet? or that b*tch you're dating? oh or maybe that drug dealer you're dealing with?"
"STOP calling her that! Are you gonna lend me that money or not?"
"Hahahaha! I call her for what she does for living. Sex for sale, and if you're upset about it don't yell at me, yell at that b*tch you're sleeping with every night"
"F*ck you dude! Forget your money! I don't need money from a carcass-mouthed b*stard like you!"
"You know damn well that my mouth doesn't have brakes. And I don't give a f*ck bout what you think of me. I'll wire them to you tonight. And don't even bother paying back unless you can prove me wrong"
FYI this is not a real conversation
I won't bother with details.
Sometimes a friend says things that hurt your feelings. But they only hurt when it's true (or half-true) :D
"Sure, what do you need it for?"
"Something comes up... you know..."
"No, I sure don't know... you mean the football bet? or that b*tch you're dating? oh or maybe that drug dealer you're dealing with?"
"STOP calling her that! Are you gonna lend me that money or not?"
"Hahahaha! I call her for what she does for living. Sex for sale, and if you're upset about it don't yell at me, yell at that b*tch you're sleeping with every night"
"F*ck you dude! Forget your money! I don't need money from a carcass-mouthed b*stard like you!"
"You know damn well that my mouth doesn't have brakes. And I don't give a f*ck bout what you think of me. I'll wire them to you tonight. And don't even bother paying back unless you can prove me wrong"
FYI this is not a real conversation
I won't bother with details.
Sometimes a friend says things that hurt your feelings. But they only hurt when it's true (or half-true) :D
Monday, April 14, 2008
just like an answered prayer
Lord, protect our doubts, because Doubt is a way of praying. It is Doubt that makes us grow because it forces us to look fearlessly at many answers that exist to one question. And in order for this to be possible...
Lord, protect our decisions, because making Decision is a way of praying. Give us the courage, after our doubts, to be able to choose between one road and another, May our YES always be a YES, and our NO always be a NO. Once we have chosen our road, may we never look back nor allow our soul to be eaten away by remorse. And in order for this to be possible...
Lord, protect our actions, because Action is a way of praying. May our daily bread be the result of the very best that we carry within us. May we, through work and Action, share a little of the love we receive. And in order for this to be possible...
Lord, protect our dreams, because to Dream is a way of praying. Make sure that, regardless of our age or our circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of hope and preseverance. And in order for this to be possible...
Lord, give us enthusiasm, because Enthusiasm is a way of praying. It is what binds us to the Heavens and to Earth, to grown-ups, and to children; it is what tells us that our desire are important and deserve our best efforts. It is Enthusiasm that reaffirms to us that everything is possible, as long as we are totally committed to what we are doing. And in order for this to be possible...
Lord, protect us, because Life is the only way we have of making manifest Your miracle. May the earth continue to transform seeds into wheat, may we continue to transmutate wheat into bread. And this is only possible if we have Love; therefore, do not leave us in solitude. Always give us Your company, and the company of men and women who have doubts, who act and dream and feel enthusiasm, and who live each day as if it were totally dedicated to Your glory.
Amen
~ from "Like the Flowing River" by Paulo Coelho
p.105, 'The Prayer that I Forgot"
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
faith-complex
'He never grew up, but he never stop growing'
- Arthur C. Clarke
who is he? well, i've just heard his name a couple of times in the quotes of movies, novels and some interviews.
but to my surprise, he is one hell of a famous person among the sci-fi lunatics across the world. He was (and still is) hailed as a Grand Master in sci-fi writing by a prominent sci-fi association.
His often-called masterpiece was a script of a big hit movie 2001: Space Odyssey. Directed by Stanley Kubrick (Eyes Wide Shut, Full Metal Jacket), this movie was the cornerstone of science fiction movies about space exploring to come. As Arthur felt that Kubrick had undermined his authorities over the script, Arthur published the novel the year after the movie with slight differences. Both were well received.
another of his notable achievement was the idea of 'Geostationary Communication Satellite' in his paper,"Extra-Terrestrial Relays". Although uncontributed to the currently acknowledged Telecommunication Relay Satellite, his name is honoured to call the geostationary orbit, 'Clarke Orbit'.
Knighted by the Order of the British Empire, Sir Arthur Charles Clarke is an atheist to the death.
Sir Arthur could not forgive religions for the atrocities and endless wars upon this world. However, he seemed to always have a profound faith in the technology that human would breed as stated in Clarke's Law:
1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
The 3rd law was the most cited, seen in many political speeches, movies, novels and even cartoons.
"God said, 'Cancel Program GENESIS.' The universe ceased to exist."
- Sir Arthur Charles Clarke.
---------------------------------------------
I happen to have a little faith in religion. I did not attend my Easter masses, except the Ash Wednesday which I half-heartedly decided. I am unable to feel the coherence of the teachings they said everyday with the world's endless bloodshed.
I've concluded that this world would not need a global catastrophy to end its life. The inhabitants would eventually killed their own planet for the sake of petty cash, a teaching of revenge, a mislead justice, a power display of a country, a 'sacrifice the few for the many', or simply a jealousy.
I've cried for a lover, a family, a friend, a fiction character, an animal, a famous person, a country, a world.
I've despaired on my life, stood up only to be strangled by the burdens of my heart.
Perhaps it is better that I quit the all-loving bullshit i've been trying to keep all my life. Perhaps it would be a salvation for me to forgo the stupid naivety to have faith in ourselves.
But somehow, i always knew that was not the answer.
As my friend keep telling to the world: "Be the love generation",
or my mother's unconditional love,
or a fiction of a sacrifice,
or just a simple smile on my beloved ones
should be enough for me to stood again, and again, and again, and again...
and perhaps one day, i will cry again... for the all-loving kingdom of God will reign again over the earth.
PS: I'm sorry mom that I have lost the faith in your church, but I will always have faith in your love. You're always in my heart.
- Arthur C. Clarke
who is he? well, i've just heard his name a couple of times in the quotes of movies, novels and some interviews.
but to my surprise, he is one hell of a famous person among the sci-fi lunatics across the world. He was (and still is) hailed as a Grand Master in sci-fi writing by a prominent sci-fi association.
His often-called masterpiece was a script of a big hit movie 2001: Space Odyssey. Directed by Stanley Kubrick (Eyes Wide Shut, Full Metal Jacket), this movie was the cornerstone of science fiction movies about space exploring to come. As Arthur felt that Kubrick had undermined his authorities over the script, Arthur published the novel the year after the movie with slight differences. Both were well received.
another of his notable achievement was the idea of 'Geostationary Communication Satellite' in his paper,"Extra-Terrestrial Relays". Although uncontributed to the currently acknowledged Telecommunication Relay Satellite, his name is honoured to call the geostationary orbit, 'Clarke Orbit'.
Knighted by the Order of the British Empire, Sir Arthur Charles Clarke is an atheist to the death.
Sir Arthur could not forgive religions for the atrocities and endless wars upon this world. However, he seemed to always have a profound faith in the technology that human would breed as stated in Clarke's Law:
1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
The 3rd law was the most cited, seen in many political speeches, movies, novels and even cartoons.
"God said, 'Cancel Program GENESIS.' The universe ceased to exist."
- Sir Arthur Charles Clarke.
---------------------------------------------
I happen to have a little faith in religion. I did not attend my Easter masses, except the Ash Wednesday which I half-heartedly decided. I am unable to feel the coherence of the teachings they said everyday with the world's endless bloodshed.
I've concluded that this world would not need a global catastrophy to end its life. The inhabitants would eventually killed their own planet for the sake of petty cash, a teaching of revenge, a mislead justice, a power display of a country, a 'sacrifice the few for the many', or simply a jealousy.
I've cried for a lover, a family, a friend, a fiction character, an animal, a famous person, a country, a world.
I've despaired on my life, stood up only to be strangled by the burdens of my heart.
Perhaps it is better that I quit the all-loving bullshit i've been trying to keep all my life. Perhaps it would be a salvation for me to forgo the stupid naivety to have faith in ourselves.
But somehow, i always knew that was not the answer.
As my friend keep telling to the world: "Be the love generation",
or my mother's unconditional love,
or a fiction of a sacrifice,
or just a simple smile on my beloved ones
should be enough for me to stood again, and again, and again, and again...
and perhaps one day, i will cry again... for the all-loving kingdom of God will reign again over the earth.
PS: I'm sorry mom that I have lost the faith in your church, but I will always have faith in your love. You're always in my heart.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
how to comprehend the freak
I hate your surprised look
I hate your cynical glare
I hate it when you're talking behind my back
I hate it when you're figuring me out
and more I hate it when you discriminate me
I am no better than you...
I am as human as you...
I am a freak as you are...
stop pointing your fingers...
look at the mirror...
are you better?
I am just a free men, unbound by traditions and religions
I believe in God as much as your faith does
I believe in ancestral beings as your culture does
I am Catholic and I am Chinese
does that makes me a part of you?
there you go...
grinding me again with all "you should be" again...
f*ck off!
no! I would not go to Church since I am a Catholic
no! I would not do all those stupid traditions since I am Chinese
what if I don't want to be like you!
no one is better or worse...
we'll either face the flaming gates of hell or feel the soft breeze of heavenly doors...
that's what we are...
simple fools who tends to complicate their own lives...
I hate your cynical glare
I hate it when you're talking behind my back
I hate it when you're figuring me out
and more I hate it when you discriminate me
I am no better than you...
I am as human as you...
I am a freak as you are...
stop pointing your fingers...
look at the mirror...
are you better?
I am just a free men, unbound by traditions and religions
I believe in God as much as your faith does
I believe in ancestral beings as your culture does
I am Catholic and I am Chinese
does that makes me a part of you?
there you go...
grinding me again with all "you should be" again...
f*ck off!
no! I would not go to Church since I am a Catholic
no! I would not do all those stupid traditions since I am Chinese
what if I don't want to be like you!
no one is better or worse...
we'll either face the flaming gates of hell or feel the soft breeze of heavenly doors...
that's what we are...
simple fools who tends to complicate their own lives...
Friday, September 28, 2007
8 disgusting habits huh?
Rules :
8 Habits:
1. snore
2. drool
3. forgot that i cut my hair short that i actually try to touch the (imaginary) hair below my shoulder
4. morning smoke
5. skip a bath when i'm hibernating
6. cries in half-sleep missing someone so dear...
7. cries cause of movies, cartoons, comics, books, my friends' sad stories
8. managed to get an A while showing up on class only once for the whole semester...
People whom I want to tag are (i'm not sorry :p)
vickstene
hoey
riri
ulmie again :p
nia
oops... run out of blog friends :p
tick tock... tick tock... brain explosion in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
why does this day turned out so... cloudy...
1st
wide just revealed some hard to discern pasts... i happened to think a lot about that for a few hours...
2nd
cindy confessed lotsa things to me bout her and her life... and i sympathized with her... cause i feel pretty much the same back then :(
3rd
cebonk announced lotsa troubling issues... i actually found myself frustrated... tired... confused... anger... disgusted... phew...
and i can't tell a freaking soul about these all three fucking headaches!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1st
wide just revealed some hard to discern pasts... i happened to think a lot about that for a few hours...
2nd
cindy confessed lotsa things to me bout her and her life... and i sympathized with her... cause i feel pretty much the same back then :(
3rd
cebonk announced lotsa troubling issues... i actually found myself frustrated... tired... confused... anger... disgusted... phew...
and i can't tell a freaking soul about these all three fucking headaches!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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